It's Over

I was right. That was by far the most difficult thing I have ever done. We got there and wanted to cuddle her but she just wanted to wander around the room because, like I said, today wasn't a bad day. So we sat there sniffling and cuddling her short amounts of time before letting her explore some more. Eventually R came to take her back and put the catheter in her front leg, and then they brought her back in. When I said I wanted to be in the room, I thought I'd just be there. Instead, R took a blanket and put it in my arms, then laid Sabriel in them. She was kind of grumpy and wanted to get away as I sat there cuddling her, and then when I said we didn't need more time R stuck the needle in the catheter and started to inject the drug. Sabriel didn't like it and tried to nose the syringe away. That was when I lost it. I kept saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," and then she just went limp in my arms and it was over. KP was crying, too, and it's only the second time he's cried in the 3 1/2 years we've been together. I think that says something about how much we loved Sabriel. I've carried my share of euthanized animals out of an exam room, but it in no way compares to when it's your baby that you lay on the table.

We're getting her ashes back and a clay paw print. Of all the animals I will own in my lifetime, Sabriel is probably the one I will mourn the most because she was so young and didn't have a chance no matter what we were willing to do for her.

Mood: drained