I think this is the end

I think we will be bringing Sabriel to the vet tomorrow to put her to sleep. It's been less than a week since we started her on the drugs to help control things. The problem is that unless we give fluids every night they don't keep her temp down. Last night KP and I tried giving fluids at two different times and she just struggled so much we gave up. I can't seem to teach him how to hold her well enough to get things done. This afternoon her temp was up to 105.6. I don't think I can keep doing this to her. I can't rely on K to come over and help every day to give fluids, and if we don't do it her temp shoots up and she feels like shit.

What makes this so hard is that she's not on a steady decline. She'll have a good day and then one like this. It makes it difficult to make the decision that it's time to let her go. KP doesn't want to give up on her yet, but it's getting too hard for me. I worry every day that her temp is going to spike, and I feel terrible when she gets so stressed when we give her fluids. It's like she's done. Another factor I can't ignore is that I'm not studying the way I need to because I'm spending so much time on Sabriel. I already bombed one exam and don't want to continue the pattern. I feel terrible saying it but it's true.

I think I'm going to feel guilty no matter what I do. K said she felt relieved when she put her cat to sleep. I'm sure I'll feel that, too. It's just a shitty situation that we got a gentle, loving kitty that ended up having this disease. There's nothing we can do to change it and I think we've done all we can to prolong her life.

Then there's the problem of how long we wait to get another cat. I don't think Mogget's a good cat to have in a single cat household, but it's like when someone's spouse dies. How long do you wait to start dating again?

I'm going to call the vet in the morning to explain everything and make sure there's nothing else we can try--which I'm pretty sure there isn't--and probably make an appointment to bring her in at the end of the day. I wish I could get KP to agree with me that it's time. I don't want this to be only my decision.

Mood: sad

//edit: And now her temp is down to 102.3. See what I mean about not knowing when to let go?

//edit: Well, K came over and we got fluids in her in one try. It was much less stressful and afterwards she was starving for dinner. I'm going to talk to the vet in the morning still. But I'm also going to wait and see if her temp doesn't fluctuate as much tomorrow. K says she doesn't mind giving fluids every day--thank goodness--but if she's going to help us that much I insist on paying her for her help. We'll see how it goes.