Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Dark Times Breed Dark Thoughts

Every once in a while, always at night, I start thinking about Sabriel and I relive the horrible ending. As always, I realize there are things I would have done differently (like taking her to the teaching hospital for a biopsy to definitively prove she had FIP before euthanizing her) but all I do is torture myself. There are those (probably many) who would question still being so saddened by the loss of a pet a year and a half after the fact, but I feel how I feel.

I admit that the pets we've gotten since then have been, at least in part, attempts to patch that hole in my heart. I love them all very much, and know that we saved one from euthanasia and another from a horrible life, but I have finally realized that Sabriel will never be replaced. There will always be that little piece missing because of her. And I suppose I'm ok knowing that piece is gone because of everything she gave me while she was here.

I will lose a piece with every pet over time. That is the the great joy and tragedy of loving them. Their lifespan is dwarfed by our own so we are left mourning their loss time and again.

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Thursday, October 2, 2008